Supernal

The Hell Months of summer are again upon us and it's too damn hot to think or post on weighty things, so it must be time for the posting of the recipe for ACD's Supernal Egg Salad.

What's that I hear y'all saying? We don't need no steeenkin recipe for egg salad? A trained chimp could make an egg salad without a recipe? Hard-boil the eggs. Cool the eggs. Shell the eggs. Chop the eggs. Throw in some mayonnaise. Mix with the eggs. Voila! Egg salad.

Uh-huh. Egg salad fit strictly for the proles. Here's an egg salad fit for the gods. Follow these instructions to the letter, and you'll end up with a thick, creamy, wonderfully flavorsome egg salad that's amazingly fluffy-light on tongue and palate. Shortcut the instructions, and you'll end up with an egg salad fit only for the aforementioned proles — or your cat.

And as you read, keep in mind, boys and girls: it's all in the technique.

What You Need (Ingredients)

(6) x-large eggs right from the fridge (cooking time is for this egg size)
(4-5) tblsps whole-egg mayonnaise (Hellmann's is fine; Miracle Whip is not)
(1) level tsp smooth, for-real Dijon mustard (Grey Poupon is fine)
(1) smidge Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (no substitutes)
(1/2) tsp very finely chopped thyme
Salt
Black pepper, freshly ground

What You Need (Equipment)

(3) large bowls (the spun stainless steel type are best)
A fairly fine kitchen sieve (critical!).

What You Do

Chill bowls in refrigerator.

Place eggs in a single layer in a large pot (a pot large enough that the eggs won't be crowded when cooking). Pour in enough cold water to cover the eggs by about 1". Bring the water to full rolling boil, then quickly lower fire to bring water to a slow simmer, cover pot and simmer eggs for 4 mins, then turn off the fire and let the eggs sit in the hot water for another 4 mins.

(Note: The eggs will not crack from the temperature change between the eggs and the boiling water. If an egg does crack, it's because of a fault in the shell. Sometimes you can see the fault in advance; other times not. If an egg does crack, and the crack is small, you should be OK. If the crack is large, best to discard the offending egg.)

When eggs are about finished, take one of the chilled bowls from the fridge, and dump in a full tray of ice cubes. Fill with enough cold water to comfortably cover eggs. When eggs are done, quickly remove them from the hot water and lightly throw them onto the ice in the iced water. This slightly cracks the shells, and insures quicker cooling to instantly stop the eggs from cooking once they're removed from the hot water. Give eggs a stir and then place bowl with eggs and iced water into the refrigerator and chill for at least 30 minutes. (Note: If you have a source of very cold running water, forget the ice and chill the eggs in the bowl with running cold water for at least 10 minutes before transferring to the refrigerator.)

After eggs are fully chilled, place the bowl in the sink, and remove the shells from the eggs by banging the ends and then the sides of each egg all around against a flat, hard surface (the inside of the sink is handy and ideal). The shells will come off in a jiffy and very cleanly. (NOTE: If the eggs you used were really fresh the shells won't come off quickly or quite so cleanly. Solution: Next time use eggs that have been sitting in your fridge for a week or so.)

Remove remaining two bowls from the refrigerator. Place sieve across one of the bowls. Then, one egg at a time, dry the egg, slice it in half and separate yolk and white with the yolk going into the sieve, and the white into the other bowl. When all 6 eggs are sliced and separated, place bowl with whites back into the refrigerator.

With the back edge of a tablespoon, force yolks through the sieve into the bowl. This is the critical step, and the step most responsible for the fluffy texture and velvety mouth-feel of the finished salad. No, I've no idea why that makes the difference, but it does, my ignorance of the science behind it notwithstanding. Make sure to scrape into the bowl when you're done all the yolk that will adhere copiously to the outside of the sieve.

Add to the sieved yolks salt and pepper (careful with this; more salt and pepper will be added later) and mix thoroughly using a fork. Then, in a separate small deep dish, mix one heaping tblsp of the mayonnaise, the Dijon mustard, and the smidge of L&P. Mix well, and add to the yolks. (Be very careful with the L&P. Just a smidge — about 1/4 tsp, I'm guessing — as it's very strong and will easily overwhelm the eggs and discolor the finished salad as well if too much is added.) Then, mix the whole caboodle together using a fork, adding, if necessary (it shouldn't be), a bit more mayonnaise until the yolks reach a stiff, smooth, hold-together consistency. When finished, put bowl with yolks into the refrigerator and remove bowl with whites.

Coarsely chop the whites. If you chop the whites too fine they'll "mush" together in the finished salad, and give it the wrong texture and the wrong taste (believe it or not). A large, very sharp chef's knife is the best tool to use for this step. Put chopped whites back in bowl, add salt, pepper, and thyme and mix thoroughly. Remove yolk mixture from refrigerator, and dump the whites into the yolk mixture. Add one tblsp of mayonnaise, then, gently and carefully begin folding whites, yolk mixture and mayonnaise together using one of those silicon or rubber pastry spatulas (if you're careless here, you'll end up "mushing" the whites), adding, a little at a time, more mayonnaise as needed to achieve a creamy, thick consistency. The consistency is correct when the salad just balls together, and leaves the sides of the bowl clean as you're mixing. If you add too much mayonnaise at this point you'll end up with a "watery" egg salad, and you don't want that. (The amount of mayonnaise can really fool you. When the mixture reaches the critical point, just an extra teaspoon or two more mayonnaise will ruin the whole salad.) Chill salad for at least one hour (more is better) before eating.

That's it. A supernal egg salad your palate will not soon forget.

Happy Hell Months, all. Or as happy as you can manage given the season.