Tom Shales, award-winning Washington Post TV critic, had this to say about the ABC-Robert Halmi Sr. and Jr. two-part miniseries, The Ten Commandments, that aired on ABC this past Monday and Tuesday:
ABC originally had its two-part film scheduled for the February sweeps but, perhaps suffering a sudden attack of embarrassment, moved it to a theoretically quiet night in April. Most of the time, networks hope viewers will be drawn eagerly to special events, but in the case of "The Ten Commandments," ABC executives must be hoping no one will notice -- and that future airings will be confined to the basic cable networks where this clunker belongs.
[...]
Dougray Scott, who plays Moses, is determined to find the psychological complexities within the man, and so we get not a towering hero but a sullen mope. When he faces the specter of the Burning Bush and hears no less than the voice of God calling him to liberate his people, this new angsty Moses complains, "I can't do this! I can't do this!" Out on the trail in Part 2, Moses suffers what amounts to one long breakdown, growling, "I don't want to be the chosen one!" Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch.
[...]
As a film, the Halmi version shows less cinematic finesse than the JibJab productions that play on the Web (and at least are fun). Director Robert Dornhelm has some of his players going wildly over the top, including a soothsayer who can't say a single sooth without twirling himself into a tantrum and having to be carted off by guards.
[...]
This "Ten Commandments" is so drearily devoid of ideas that the mind is bound to wander -- even early on, when Moses unconvincingly says he was tortured by a nightmare and you want him to sing, "I had a dream, a dream about you, baby!" -- like Ethel Merman in "Gypsy." When he's addressing throngs in his barely audible mutter, you may long for one of the extras to shout, "Speak up, willya? We can't hear a word you're saying!"
[...]
And when the Lord begins a chat with Moses by saying "Moses? You know my voice?" those of us old enough to remember will probably recall Bill Cosby's classic routine as Noah having a very unexpected chat with the Supreme Being: "Who is this really?"
Damn postmodern, pantywaist, cowardly critic. Pulling his punches like that. I mean, I saw this turkey, and the genteel kindnesses displayed by Mr. Shales in the above quoted excerpts from his (p)review are an unpardonable outrage, and a dereliction of his professional responsibility to tell it like it is. Mr. Shales doesn’t even begin to plumb the depths of awfulness of this tacky, botched abortion of a TV movie; tacky and botched in every way possible except, perhaps, in the photography of the Moroccan landscape, which was at least good travelogue footage.
Well, OK, I suppose I ought to fess up. I lied just a teensy, weensy, little bit up there. I didn't actually watch this tacky remake of The Ten Commandments as, unlike Mr. Shales, I wasn't being paid to watch it. I taped both parts, you see, and after watching the tape for about 35 minutes knew the worst, and fast-forwarded through the first part just to catch all the special effects (as tackily awful as the rest of it), rewound the tape, then shut off the machine. I've better uses to which to put that tape; you know, like taping, say, the early-morning exercise show, Yoging With Yani (I just made up that name; poetic license and all).
How ABC and the Halmis, père et fils, managed to crank up sufficient chutzpah to actually air this thing without in some way hiding or disguising their connection with it is far beyond my meager capacities of understanding.
Oh, and not so by the way, ABC will be airing the honest-to-god-genuine The Ten Commandments this coming Saturday (15 April). And, yes, I'll be watching. As always.
Mr. Shales full (p)review (which, joking aside, is really quite good) can be read here.
It's The Music, Stupid!
Peggy
