Envy

I envy Alex Ross for a number of reasons: his cross-Atlantic trips undertaken with the every-day casualness of a trip across the Hudson to New Jersey, his dream job with one of the top periodicals in the country, his graceful writing style, etc. But most of all, I envy him his kitties, and if he doesn't stop posting kitty pics of those sublimely beautiful creatures (like this most recent one), I'm going to ask my good friend Guido to arm himself with a couple hand-carried, velvet-lined cages; make a little trip over to Alex's apartment; and do a little job in my behalf. It's somewhat out of Guido's, um, ordinary line of work, but although you'd never guess it by looking at him, he can be very sweet and gentle when the occasion demands, and I don't think he'll mind too much doing me this special favor, atypical though it may be, as kittynapping, after all, isn't a capital offense like kidnapping or ... well, you get my drift.